System K Sholay

I just thought of sharing a memory of IT Planning Meet 2013 @The Retreat, Malad (West). We had Fun Group activities in the evening of Day One. I captured a video of the “System k Sholay” skit presented by our innovative CDAC Senior, Santosh Suryawanshi.

All characters in the skit are from the film Sholay, playing roles of the employees on the IT Floor.

(Gabbar aagaya, Gabbar aagaya, Bhaago bhaago…)

Gabbar: Mausi, Basanti kaha hai?

Mausi: Meeting mein hai, Thakur k saath. (Thakur is Basanti’s reporting manager)

Gabbar: Aur mere project ka kya hua? Kuch kar bhi rahe ho ya nahi?

Mausi: Sau baar requirements change karoge, toh kaise hoga? Aapke requirements toh meri umra se jyaada hai.

Gabbar: Mausi, yaha koi kaam karte kyu nahi dikh raha? Pata hai naa, jab koi programmer kehta hai k mere paas kaam nahi hai, toh Manager kya kehta hai, “Chup kar varna Gabbar aa jayega requirements leke”. Mausi, abhi toh main jaa raha hu. Par phir aaonga.

Mausi: Mat aana.

(Entry of Thakur, with background music)

Programmer 1: I am leaving the company.

Programmer 2: I go.

Thakur: Gabbar!!!

“Tera yu IT floor pe aake baar baar chillana,

Mere programmers’ ka yu chod k chale jaana,

Phir bhi mera khud pe kaaboo paana,

Nahi bhulunga main, 
Jab tak hu yaha Jab tak hu yaha.

Tere requirements k niche mera dabke jana,

Chhutiyo mein bhi mujhe phone kar k baar baar pareshaan karna,

Mera boss kaun hai, Diby ya tu, mera confusion hona,

Nahi bhulunga main, 
Jab tak hu yaha Jab tak hu yaha."

Thakur: Gabbar, teri vajah se mere dono haath, do programmers chale gaye!!!

(Looking towards the ceiling) Kardo kuch ajooba, bhejdo masiha."

(Entry of Jay and Veeru, with background music)

Veeru: Excuse me, humein Thakur saab se milna hai, hum new joinees hai.

Basanti: Tum kahase aaye ho? Kya kiya hai? Kaunsi technology handle karnewale ho? Yuki, Thakur saab toh abhi meeting mein hai, par tum new joinees jo ho toh main unko baahar bula leti hu. Waise is Basanti ka intro toh kisine puccha hi nahi! Arey pucchiye pucchiye, pucchiye naa..

Jay: Tumhara naam kya hai Basanti?

Veeru: Arey iski toh aadat hai bakbak karne ki, tum apna naam batao?

Basanti: Mera naam basanti hai.

Jay: Pehli baar suna ye naam!!

Thakur: Aao, Jay-Veeru, aane mein koi taklif toh nahi hui. Basanti inko inka kaam batao.

Jay: Kaam toh hum kar lenge, lekin..

Veeru (interrupts in between): Humein kya karna hoga.

Thakur: Ek purana project hai, jo kaafi dino se incomplete hai. Ek user, Gabbar, ki vajah se complete nahi ho paa raha hai. Uski requirements hi itni hai, jo vo baar baar badal deta hai. Isiliye is project pe ROTS rakha hai, ROTS (Recognition On The Spot).

Jay: Toh aap ROTS chahate hai, humse kaam karvane k baad, haing...

Thakur: ROTS tum rakhlo. Mujhe is project ka “Go Live” chahiye. “GO LIVE!!”

Veeru: Mujhe training chahiye...

Jay: Chup kar, dekho tab training training karta rehta hai. Mujhse pucch liya kar.

Thakur: Basanti, inse pehle shapath vidhi karvao.

Jay: Shapath vidhi?

Basanti: Ye server hai. Server pe haath rakh k shapath lo.

Jay and Veeru: 

“System down ho, boss tera over-town ho,

Ek bhi pal tu so mat, so mat, so mat, 
Agnipath! Agnipath! Agnipath!

100 tickets bhale chadhe, users’ saamne khade,

Ek bhi extra resource tu maang mat, maang mat, maang mat, 
Agnipath! Agnipath! Agnipath!

Tu support karega kabhi, development karega kabhi,

Aur Planning presentation ko bhi tu taal mat, taal mat, taal mat, 
Agnipath! Agnipath! Agnipath!

Ek mahaan product hai, chalata programmer hai,

Errors n exceptions se latpat, latpat, latpat, 
Agnipath! Agnipath! Agnipath!”

(Gabbar sends Samba and Kalia to the IT Floor)

Kalia: Thakur, kya hua? Bahot dino se koi update nahi aaya. Pata hai naa, Gabbar ko sab time to time chahiye.

Thakur: Sunn Kalia, humne users ko update dena band kar diya hai. Jao kehdo apne Gabbar se, ab yahase koi update nahi milega, aur naa koi requirement mein change aayega. Ab aayega toh sirf “Go Live! Go Live! Go Live!”

Kalia: Dekho Thakur, galti kar rahe ho. Escalate hoga phir!

Jay: Awaaz niche kar k baat kar Kalia. Ye IT ka floor hai, tere baap ka ghar nahi.

Samba: Aur mere tickets ka kya hua?

Thakur: Tumhare 500 tickets bhi close hogaye hai.

Kalia: Kisne kiya?

Thakur (pointing to Jay-Veeru): In dono ne.

Kalia: Main aur tickets raise karunga.

Basanti: Koi chance hi nahi, server down hai aaj.

Kalia: Abhi main jaa raha hu, kal phir aaonga.

Mausi: Itna downtime kyu hai bhai, main naa kehti thi, backup leke rakho. Par meri koi sunta hi nahi. Ab pucchna padega Infra team se, kyu add nahi kiye processors, kyu add nahi kiye processors…..

Basanti: Chalo Mausi, pantry chalte hai.

(Gabbar’s cabin)

Gabbar: Kitne programmers the?

Kalia: Do sarkar.

Gabbar: Aur tickets 500, bahut nainsafi hai!! Kya sochkar aaye the, Gabbar khush hoga shabasi dega!  Arey o Samba, inko functional training di hai kya? HAHAHAHAHA.. Aur kya kaha Thakur ne?

Kalia: Bola, abhi sirf go live aur kuch nahi.

Gabbar: “Go Live.. Kab hai Go Live???”

(Duniya ka naara jame raho, manjil ka ishaara jame raho)

Thakur: “Go Live..Go Live hai aaj!!”

Basanti: “Mala jau dya na ghari aata vajale ki baara”

Thakur: “Go Live..Go Live hai aaj!!”

(Go Go Go Go Live, Go Go Go Go Live...)

(Gabbar is back, on the IT floor)

Gabbar: Kaha ho Thakur! Kitna badhiya project kiya hai, zara hum bhi toh dekhe tumhare project ka demo. Zara hum bhi toh dekhe tumhare programmers ne kya gul khilaye hai.

Thakur: Aao Gabbar, tumhara project complete hai. Basanti, inko demo dikhado.

Veeru: Basanti.., in users ko demo mat dikhana tum!!

Gabbar: Bahut purana yaarana lagta hai, chal toh tu demo dikhade.

Veeru: Ye dekho…. ….Dekha.

Gabbar: Arey, ye kaise mumkin hai. Don ka project complete hona, mushkil hi nahi naa mumkin hai.

“Anhoni ko honi karde, honi ko anhoni,

Ek jagah jab jamaa ho teeno,

Jay, Veeru aur Thakur”

So, this was the memorable skit. Hats off to the real people who performed in the skit!! Their accent added life to the characters. They are as follows:

Santosh Suryawanshi as Jay

Mangesh Dhondkar as Veeru

Amrisha Bakshi as Basanti

Faisal Makandar as Thakur

Himanshu Maru as Gabbar

Johnson J as Kalia

Velankanni J as Samba

Priyanka Salvi as Mausi