Pressing Pause: Part One

The Pause That Changed Everything

I had pressed pause on my professional life since Aug 2025. It was not a sudden decision, life was on auto-pilot since 10th June 2022. If you know it, you know it. If you don’t know it, I am not going to mention it. I was pushing myself for something my heart & brain always had a conflict. I am a working woman and I love working. If I have pressed pause on this aspect of my life, there has to be a big reason to it. There was and I had evaluated all possible options before this consideration. I checked my finances to survive for at least a year without an income. This is very important than anything else. I would share my experience into series of posts rather than mentioning things month-wise. There were highs and lows in all aspects of my life. As the header suggests, what changes did it bring:

Daily routine: I woke up at 05:30 am and slept after midnight. This changed to waking up at 8am (no alarm needed) and still sleeping after midnight. So I had an 8 hour sleep as well as 2 hours mid-day nap. The 10 hour sound sleep did make me feel fresh, my face glowed. As months passed by, it changed again into dullness and sleepless nights. Since I was at home, I had to do the daily chores of clothes and utensils and cleaning the house and buy groceries. So the routine thing continues! Sometimes I questioned myself whether I have turned into a full-time house help! My routine also included newspaper puzzles and LinkedIn games and facial care and hair oiling. There were times I missed the fast Mumbai life and its lifeline (the local train). There were days I just did nothing, I had FOMO, I had JOMO, I watched out from the window, I watched the idiot box, etc. I also missed working sometimes!

Investments: I had to make my mind ready to accept the fact that there is no income coming for a few months from now. So I calculated the total amount I have in banks, FDs, investments. Thank you God, for I had good savings to make a decision for my freedom. I made few more investments, but not major ones. I wanted to buy my new home, but that dream is postponed for now. Because home will be accompanied by loan and that must have a job income to support. The only money I gained was from the interests earned on my savings, FNF, Gratuity and PF withdrawal. Glad that I had opted for VPF, it was beneficial. I also kept a track of the salary amount I may have earned during the pause, I manifest to earn its double within a year of my next job. 

Expenses: I cut down on the expenses to a large extent. No new cloth purchase, no extra hoarding of toiletries, no impulse shopping to try new items, etc. I did buy formal clothes and a new folder for job interviews and my first personal Laptop. I did spend some amount on grooming and phone recharge and yes medical emergency. Here I realized I no more have an insurance cover! Having cut down on my personal expense, I still had to contribute to home expenses, since I stayed in my parent's home. That included property tax bills, electricity bills, network recharge, Dmart bill, daily buys like egg bread, etc. The reason being I pressed a paused, I was not forced to do so.

Course Plan Failed: I have paused things intentionally for 6 months. In these 6 months, I would be part of a DBDA course and there would be placement at the end. I had cleared the entrance exam as well in Jul. I paid INR 12k for my seat. Before paying the course amount 1.05lac and hostel for 70k, I visited the place for the final check and realised that things would not work in my favour. I should have visited before paying the 12k, now it is gone! I cancelled the admission. Before my FnF, I made a loss of 12k, but saved my six months (not really). All these happened in first week of Aug so then my second week went into acknowledging the same and cursing myself for not being responsible. So be prepared with at least three plans in case you need to pause from work.

Doing Nothing Aug 2025: It was difficult to accept that things did not work as expected. I had made a list of DIY courses to attend for the fortnight period I had in-between the Last Working Date and Course Start Date. I attended none. I thought let’s read the two books I received as a farewell gift and start writing posts of the Scandinavia tour of May. Neither I read the books nor I wrote the posts. I was simply sleeping in my bed, couch, sometimes on mats. I did not doom-scroll, binge-watch on YT, or spend time on Social Media. Absolutely doing nothing, only breathing, eating, sleeping. 

Decluttering: Since I live in my parents home, I have a limited space for myself. Also I had brought a lot of stuff from office desk, so I had to fit in those things as well. I cleared up a lot of things, donated books, clothes, etc.  

Medical Illness: Rest can sometimes be hazardous to life. Initial phase of pausing relieved me from the frequent headaches and reduced period pain and cramps. Further, I had week-long cough-cold, sore throat and fever; wisdom tooth infection, heat strokes, indigestions, low immunity, etc.  Sometimes I had sleepless nights of efforts going waste, being jobless, no future plans, still figuring out life, etc. 

Healthy food: Since I was at home, I consumed less to no junk food (other than Maggi). I ate all home-made meals over canteen and street food. I gained weight. I started walking in my building garden and signed up for free yoga & breathing courses. I craved for the street food, junk food, which I used to eat on the way home. e.g. sev puri, franky, sandwich, ice-creams.

Things to work on list: I made a list of things to work on my bodycare, mental health, courses to learn, blog posts to write, investments to make, books to read, plan few trips, revamp my blog website, LinkedIn and Naukri profiles, etc. Since I had bought free time for myself, I wanted to tick off pending stuff and learn new stuff and also unlearn a few things.

Healing: there was a backlog of negativity, betrayals, since 2023 and it was overflowing my mind. I practised meditations, be it sound healing, frequency healing, mantra healing. I practised gratitude and forgiveness. When I took the 30 day gratitude challenge, I thought I will run out of line items in 10 days, but surprisingly on the journey I realized there is so much I have that I should be thankful for. Same goes for forgiveness. Having the boon (or curse) of remembering everything, there was so much to hold up. It took quite some time to realize that forgiveness is meant for me (not for those who hurt me)! Tonnes of weight offloaded from my shoulders finally.